Theme Week # 15 (1)
December 10, 2006...
Slept in late...
Forty bodies shot and tortured found across Baghdad
Ate bowl of Fruity Cheerios...
Mortar round kills 2 in Baghdad's Kadhimiya district
Drank two cups of coffee...
Bodies of 2 policeman received at Mosul Hospital with gunshot wounds
Took long, hot shower...
Gunmen attack hairdressers shop in Kirkuk killing the owner
Walked dogs in the snow...
Gunmen attack 2 Shiite homes killing 10 people
Did homework...
Clashes erupt between Sunni and Shiite militants in Baghdad. One Shiite militiaman killed, 6 wounded (5 Sunnis, 1 Shiite)
Finished knitting scarf...
Sunni families march for help saying gunmen from Shiite Militia forced them from their homes at gunpoint
Made supper...
Staff Sgt Henry W. Link, 23 died of injuries suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated
Spoke to Grandmother on phone...
Staff Sgt. Kristofer R. Ciraso 26, of Bangor Maine died of injuries when and improvised explosive device detonated
Ate bowl of coffee ice cream...
Bodies of 60 apparent victims of sectarian killings found across Baghdad
Brushed teeth...
Gunmen attacked homes of 2 Shiite families killing 9
Went to bed...
3 iraqui soldiers killed by US friendly fire
Prayed...
Slept in late...
Forty bodies shot and tortured found across Baghdad
Ate bowl of Fruity Cheerios...
Mortar round kills 2 in Baghdad's Kadhimiya district
Drank two cups of coffee...
Bodies of 2 policeman received at Mosul Hospital with gunshot wounds
Took long, hot shower...
Gunmen attack hairdressers shop in Kirkuk killing the owner
Walked dogs in the snow...
Gunmen attack 2 Shiite homes killing 10 people
Did homework...
Clashes erupt between Sunni and Shiite militants in Baghdad. One Shiite militiaman killed, 6 wounded (5 Sunnis, 1 Shiite)
Finished knitting scarf...
Sunni families march for help saying gunmen from Shiite Militia forced them from their homes at gunpoint
Made supper...
Staff Sgt Henry W. Link, 23 died of injuries suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated
Spoke to Grandmother on phone...
Staff Sgt. Kristofer R. Ciraso 26, of Bangor Maine died of injuries when and improvised explosive device detonated
Ate bowl of coffee ice cream...
Bodies of 60 apparent victims of sectarian killings found across Baghdad
Brushed teeth...
Gunmen attacked homes of 2 Shiite families killing 9
Went to bed...
3 iraqui soldiers killed by US friendly fire
Prayed...
posted by Mainer at 4:25 PM
5 Comments:
Look, you're in fine control of your material here; there's nothing disrespectful or shrill. It's all understated and dignified. The point is made.
But, for my money what you're doing is too light in style for the weight you're asking it to bear.
Understood. I'm not sure why but this is the most difficult assignment for me. I had several ideas and attempted each one of them for numerous hours (yes hours), but couldn't pull anything together. I didn't feel entirely great about this but I landed on a site that gives a daily report of the injured, deaths, and the things that are taking place over there. It struck me how mundane my day was in comparison. The only difficult part of it was this assignment. Would it have been better if brought up the petty things that frustrated me and put those lines under it? Can you give me some tips or more examples for this last one? Thanks.
I should have known you wouldn't let me dance away from this....
Keep in mind that what I'm saying from here on is simply reader reaction; as a teacher my comment is and was that you've got your material under control, you've handled the juxtapositions nicely, and your tone is right.
But my reader's heart sank when I read your first two lines. There was no way that all the rest of the couplets could develop; they all had to be further examples of the same thing; it all had to be one-note played over and over. There certainly is a place for one note writing; it can emphasize, it can enlist the reader in a primitive drum-beat ceremony.
But in this case, with this material, I didn't want to go there with you. I saw the point; I wanted to get on with my cheerios without further ado.
Cowardly but true.
There's another problem. You want to contrast your ordinary and trivial activities to the death and misery. The irony is clear, but you, the writer, can't escape the reader's judgment; you invite it. As you indict all of us for eating our cheerios, you indict yourself too, and your reader becomes queasy, asking who you are to slag his General Mills lifestyle! I know part of your intention is to indict yourself, but even so--it's a case of wanting to shoot the messenger.
Ironic, eh?
And, finally, to argue now in the alternative: the trivial and mundane deserve defense. The dead people were not thinking particularly noble thoughts as they died, not doing particularly noble deeds for the most part. They were going about their days, thinking about their next bowl of cheerios and such. Suddenly they were in heaven, hell, or somewhere else.
It overstates the case to contrast your cheerios to their deaths. Their deaths were often as meaningless as our cheerios, so...one resists your point.
Ok. I get it. Last sentence, oh so true.
Henry was my cousin.
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